The past week, I've been so sad trying to come to terms with what happened last Friday. I'm so torn between wanting to just stick my head in the sand with my eyes closed and my fingers in my ears shouting LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU and immersing myself in the news to honor the victims the only way I really know how. I can't think about those horrific events for even a second without welling up.
Today I'm just mad.
Mad that two dumb ass sophomores at our local high school thought it would be funny to prank text their moms yesterday that their was a shooter in the school. That the high school went into lock down and dozens of law enforcement were dispatched. That rumors are rippling through the district about some student organized revolt tomorrow because of the Mayan calendar.
Mad that I got a call at 10 o'clock last night to let me know the last two days before holiday break are canceled county-wide thanks to these hilarious jokes. Because there aren't enough resources to investigate every bogus claim.
Mad is an understatement. I'm multi-expletive pissed.
Mad that I spent the majority of the day yesterday dying rice blue for a crafty activity in Zack's class. And putting together treats for Izzy's classmates. And gifts for 5 teachers that I'm so indebted to. Teachers that shouldn't have to fear for their lives in an effort to educate our children. Mad that I was at the store at 9 last night buying cheese and crackers to put together a tray for Jake's party tomorrow.
Mad that I had to tell my kids this morning that their break was starting early. That I had to ruin their initial joy by telling them why.
Mad that an in-school evaluation we had scheduled this week for one of my kids won't happen for weeks now. Yeah, really, really mad.
So freaking mad that my kids have to grow up knowing about this stuff.
So I guess we'll get an early start on the snowflakes for Sandy Hook that I was planning to make as a holiday break project. And be unspeakably grateful for the fact that I have my three kids with me to cut paper into pretty shapes in the hope that it will bring one iota of joy to a community so thoroughly devastated.
And listen to Christmas music and make cookies and wrap gifts and hug my kids and and try to be glad instead of sad and mad.